How To Love The Unknown Neighbour

camino mar 2025

Both Augustine and Thomas Aquinas, very important thinkers in the Christian tradition, say that we cannot love what we do not know. Yet, the Gospel tells Christians that loving our neighbour is the second greatest commandment. Does this mean we can only care for those whom we know?

Surely, the call to love our neighbour cannot be limited to only family and friends. After all, every person is a child of God, and the gospels tell us that Jesus cared for strangers as well as friends alike. The Catholic Church’s social teaching tradition is also clear on this. In his encyclical, Pope John Paul II taught that we must exercise solidarity. This solidarity is not just “a feeling of vague compassion or shallow distress at the misfortunes of so many people”, but it is a “persevering determination to commit oneself to . . . the good of all and of each individual.” This is effectively saying we need to love our entire society.

Yet, it also makes a lot of sense to say that we cannot love those unknown to us. How can we care for a person that we know nothing about? We will not be able to do much good for them. I remember joining the Night Mission organised by Catholic Welfare Services to befriend rough sleepers. One of them told me that many people gave him thick blankets so he could stay warm throughout the night. But there was one big problem. He has nowhere to store them, and transporting them is difficult. He also did not have the heart to reject them. In the end, he gave them away.

How can we reconcile these two ideas? One possible answer is given by a French expatriate who works in the field of artificial intelligence. Having been here since 2009, AitBachir felt he was disconnected from many communities in Singapore because of his socioeconomic background. As such, he spent his free time working as a food delivery rider. This allowed him to connect with other delivery workers, interact with heartland residents and donate his earnings to charities. In his words, this gig kept him “grounded”. There is a hint of irony here that a French tech worker understands the struggles of frontline workers better than many of us who were born here, and this is because he chose to connect with them in this unusual way.

While we do not need to start working as delivery riders, we can learn a valuable lesson from him: the attempt to love does not always begin after knowing a person but before it. If we are to care for the vulnerable, we must want to love them. That desire will push us to want to know them, after which we are able to love them properly. In other words, we need to cultivate empathy. If we are able to understand the struggles of someone else because we know them and understand their situation, we can know what they need and address them.

Of course, this is hard to do. It can be uncomfortable to experience a different way of life. AitBachir shared that he often received confused looks when he did his deliveries. It can even be scary if the process of getting to know involves encountering suffering.

This is where Jesus leads by example. Although he already knew us, he became human, befriended the marginalised, and died for the sake of humanity. This is central to the message of the Gospel. This model of love is something that the world needs more than ever.

Now, back to us. Even as we go about doing our daily life, many people are struggling right now. So who are we going to come to know and love today?



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The expat who raised S$7,000 in 11 months doing food deliveries in his free time and donated it all to charity (CNA, 4 Jan 2025)

Erwin Susanto works for Caritas Singapore. He enjoys arcane conversations on the Old Testament/Hebrew Bible in the context of the Ancient Near East. He enjoys thinking about all sorts of contemporary issues and often wonders if punditry is fun.